And so it’s the end of the first term already, the ‘C’ word is everywhere, and the shop windows are blinding in their kitchy, screaming glitter. I should be shopping! I’m not used to semesterisation, and I must admit, I’m not liking it. The end has crept up suddenly, like a dark shadow, and it’s relentless, you could say it ‘looms’. I’m not ready to submit everything, I haven’t read enough, I’m not prepared. Please can I have some more time? I was never that person who delayed starting an essay until a few days before the due date, I never left things so late that I needed to stay up all night to work on them. I wouldn’t have felt ‘right’, but this term has been a completely different animal.
I believe that from day one I didn’t gel with what was happening here. I don’t know why – maybe I’m actually a bit slow to catch on, you know, a can short of a six-pack, that sort of thing. Whatever, it’s all just trundled happily downhill frome then on. While I fully understand that people operate on different levels, (wouldn’t it be so dull if we all had the same thoughts, or believed the same things, or saw with the same eyes?), there comes a point when you need to be realistic. Here, then, is my reality, (at 12.55 am on a Wednesday in November), I’m trying to wade through an MA that I jumped into without thinking enough about whether it was the right move or not. There, I’ve said it! I’ve come to realise that just because you put your mind to something it does not mean that it gets easier, or ensures that you feel better about it, or even that you learn quicker – none of the above apply here.
Yes friends, this is a low point, and there have been many like it since this began in September. But I’m stubborn, and I’m not going to give up, not just yet anyway, not tonight. I’m posting a poem here because it just popped into my head – my head is like that – it’s full of wonderful poems to suit every occasion. Obviously, Henley wrote this about something far more troubling than what to put in a portfolio that would earn him a degree, but that’s of no matter here – read this, it will do you good: